Angeli’s Newsletter

Greetings beautiful souls and welcome back! ⭐

It’s been a whirlwind few weeks. I wrote my book, It Can Be Done: Learn to Create Meaningful Work You Love in about 7-8 weeks. I’ve asked some friends to help me edit the book (that’s happening right now). And I’ve made a cover (see below!)

I hope this book serves you greatly. I remember what it was like to awaken to the feeling that I was unhappy and unfulfilled in my career, and that a big change was near. It was unsettling to say the least.

Luckily, I’ve worked through the ups and downs having walked this path myself, and will hopefully have a finished product that will help you find and express your purpose, create meaningful work you love - from soul - and be paid for your natural gifts!

Shooting for a release date of: May 12th, 2025.

Onto today’s post.

I have a story to tell related to my relationship trauma. I actually never thought I’d share this on here, because it’s so deeply personal. When all this happened, I barely even told anyone and I made sure not to talk about it too much. The shame was too big.

But I’m going to tell you today, because maybe you’ll learn from it, or relate to it, or understand me better, so here we go.

Five years ago, I was in an abusive situationship with a guy called… let’s call him Bon. Bon and I were insanely attracted to each other. He was the prototypical “love bomber”. When we met, he was almost instantly like a boyfriend to me, texting all the time, making plans, even taking grocery store trips with me, and telling me how awesome I was. Sounds great, right?

All of a sudden, he started to withdraw his love, telling me we shouldn’t be together, but maybe we should be friends (who still have sex). I got a weird feeling that this was his way of seeing other women while seeing me, so I broke up with him.

A few months later he came back, telling me he’d been thinking of me and we ended up once again back in a situationship.

What is a situationship? It’s an uncommitted sexual relationship. Both people don’t want to make the commitment but they want to reap the benefits of sexual intimacy.

That spring, COVID hit. I was having really bad dreams about this person. In the dreams, I would catch him in bed with other women. I thought I was being paranoid, but it was my intuition. Fast forward to a couple of months later when he contracted Chlamydia and had to call all the women he had slept with (including me, and including his ex-wife).

When I found out, I was devastated. I wasn’t seeing other people. It really wasn’t in my nature to do so. I was also working in healthcare during the early days of COVID, so of course I wasn’t going to risk my patients any more than I had for more sexual partners, lol.

More than devastated from this experience, I was traumatized. It’s actually taken me 5 years to see how much this has impacted my life and relationships. Now that I have the clarity, I can tell you for certain he was a narcissist (and is why I have a course on healing narcissistic abuse for empaths).

But sexually, it was deeper than that. It was never non-consensual sex, but the experience was so disrespectful and demeaning that it left an imprint in my womb space. Meaning - my female reproductive organs (uterus, ovaries, vagina) were really unhappy.

Consciously, after this experience, I told myself I’d wait for the perfect partner to have sex again. But unconsciously I had made vows that sex isn’t safe, men aren’t safe, and both are to be feared.

For the last 5 years, I’ve been in a supremely unproductive cycle of deep inner healing followed by terrible dates. With my own sexuality towards men turned off, of course I’d attract partners that were “safe but unsexy” to me.

Luckily, I have tools to heal, such as The Body Code, EFT, and The Sweep by Amy Scher. It’s been a ride for sure. But it explains so much. I’ve had so many people ask me about my dating life over the years. I always knew I had to heal my inner child and stuff like that, but I didn’t realize how deep my trauma was until recently.

Alright, deep, serious stuff aside.

I’ve Made a New Friend.

Let’s call him… “Glen”. Glen and I met in the neighborhood, almost a year ago. I told him his dog was cute and it turns out he needed a dog sitter for his sweet baby Rita (Rita keeps her name because she’s special). Rocco (my dog) and Rita were instant best friends and we’ve watched Rita so many times at this point I consider her my own.

Glen is awesome. He’s a really friendly, sweet guy. When I first met him, he was so interested in asking about me (“And how are youuuuu?” he’d say) I would brace myself and take a half-step back (Translation: “Men are scary, don’t come near me”).

As time went on, we became closer and closer friends. We would see each other in the neighborhood, while walking our dogs. He always stops over to say hello. When he comes over to drop off Rita for dog sitting, he stays a while. He hangs out in the backyard with us, we chat, and then he leaves for his trips.

I learn a lot about myself through Glen. Whenever I get defensive or deflect his questions, I take notice. When he asks me something personal, and I have my guard up, I take notice. I’ve seen what kind of gargantuan walls I’ve put up after that situationship 5 years ago.

Every time I’m triggered and heal something on the inside, Glen and I become closer afterwards. I realized I was spending a lot of time trying to detect any similarities between Glen and Bon. It turns out there are only two - they both smoke weed and they’re both men 😀

I’ve always had a crush on Glen. He’s in my dreams a lot. I recently had a dream that I saw him in bed with another woman. Ruh-roh. They were simply watching TV. I woke myself up out of the dream, thinking I was in the same situation again as with Bon. Then I fell back asleep —into the same dream! I saw more women in the room with Glen, felt really crummy and wrote my feelings down on a piece of paper during the dream (meanwhile Glen is hardly noticing these women).

A wise woman sitting next to me in the dream then said, “If you share your feelings with him, he might be really happy!” Then, all the women disappeared, and it was just Glen and his dog and me and my brothers in the room, joking around that if I left a chunk of my finger in the room, he’d love it! So we all started laughing. Then I woke up.

I think I needed to see that dream play out the way it did for my subconscious to tell me, stop worrying so much! I did tell Glen about the dream, and he thought it was really funny.

A lot has changed since that moment with Bon long ago, but I still have some walls up. The other day, I saw a woman coming out of Glen’s driveway while we were chatting outside. I asked him, “Who’s that?” And he laughed at me. He’s a landlord with a unit at the back of his house. She’s a tenant.

The voice that said “Who’s that?” was not my own. It was a protector part, if you’re familiar with Internal Family Systems (IFS). If you’re not familiar, read the books Self-Help by Gabrielle Bernstein or No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwarz. This part was a jealous one that has been trying to protect me from non-committal men since the age of 31. It surprised me when I heard her, because she didn’t even sound like my voice.

As I talk to her and unburden her, I laugh at myself and I feel better. Clearly Glen is tickled by my curiosity about his life 😀 He hugs me as he leaves, and we say see you tomorrow for dog sitting.

When Is It a Good Time to Laugh at Your Trauma?

I’d say wait at least 5 years to laugh at your trauma. Wait 10 years just to be safe. But really, use your own discretion. It’s serious stuff at first. But eventually, it doesn’t have to be.

I was watching the show With Love, Meghan on Netflix (everybody needs to watch this show!!), and they were talking about how there’s a Japanese saying that when a vase breaks, and you put it back together, it’s even more beautiful.

That’s how humans are, too. Without this crazy experience, I wouldn’t have these funny habits that make my friend laugh.

I am so grateful to have a male friend who I actually feel really safe, solid, and happy with. Where it goes, I don’t even know. I hope to have sex again with someone who sees themselves as sacred, sees me as sacred, I see them as sacred, and together we do some profoundly healing lovemaking.

So yeah. That’s my story. I somehow wished to skip over this part and tell you one day how I figured it all out and I found my perfect partner!!! But alas, I haven’t (yet), and maybe I did need to share this story with you in the meantime. So there it is.

Just thought you should know.

If this resonates with you, write in the comments or hit reply on your email! I will gratefully write you back.

Thanks for reading and listening along!!!!

Lots of love,

Angeli

*PS. ICYMI - My book, It Can Be Done: Learn to Create Meaningful Work You Love is coming out on May 12, 2025. Keep an eye out! I will offer this to the newsletter group for a discount, so feel free to share this newsletter if you know of anyone who wants to read my book :)

*PPS - what can I help with in your work life to make it more meaningful? If I could wave a magic wand and make a problem disappear, what would it be? Hit reply and I got you :)

*PPPS - Are you feeling unhappy in your career and looking to make a sacred career transition? Applications for coaching are available - take a peak at my Google doc and sign up for a free call :)

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